


Can You Hear My Heart?

by SoftServeTY



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Deaf Character, Drama & Romance, Eventual Smut, Falling In Love, Light Angst, M/M, Nightmares, Past Abuse, Secret Crush, Slow Burn, Strangers to Lovers, slight johndo if you squint, that's the only reason it's rated E lol
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-23
Updated: 2019-07-23
Packaged: 2020-06-27 10:34:19
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 18,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19789093
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoftServeTY/pseuds/SoftServeTY
Summary: Taeyong has had this crush on the guy who works at the local bakery near his campus for a month. It should be easy, asking him out on a date. But there's a catch; Taeyong is deaf.He tries to not let it get the best of him, tries to push his insecurities to the side, but it's much easier said than done. Will he be able to overcome his inner demons and open up to the person who cares the most about him?





	Can You Hear My Heart?

**Author's Note:**

> I love this prompt! Thank you to whoever entered it in~
> 
> I'll admit it was challenging trying to write a deaf character, but I tried to educate myself as much as possible while writing this. There of course might be flaws in my research though, so if you know more about this subject than I do, feel free to correct me in the comments! I'm always open to criticism!

Taeyong was on his way to his favorite bakery after he was done with all of his classes for the day. He watched the crosswalk sign diligently, waiting for his moment to cross. The sign lit up with a man made out of white lights, and he scanned his left and his right once before stepping onto the pavement. He marched forward with little to no worry, unaware of the person yelling at him for him to stop. He couldn’t hear him, because he was deaf.

Out of nowhere, he felt a firm hand grip his arm and pull him back. A delivery bike sped by at an alarming speed, and Taeyong’s heart nearly jumped out of his chest. He no doubt would have been hit if he had not been pulled back. He watched wide-eyed as the bike continued down the road, too shaken to realize that there was someone talking to him, until he felt a tap on his shoulder.

“Hey, I said are you okay?” Taeyong’s eyes tried to focus on the man’s lips to read them, but he was wearing a mask.

“Jesus...you almost gave me a heart attack. Do you have a death wish or something? Why did you keep walking when I told you not to?” the man questioned, his feathers clearly ruffled from the scare as well.

Taeyong didn’t know what he was saying, but he didn’t want to explain himself to this stranger, didn’t want his pity, or his judgement — whichever he would give. It was at this moment when he noticed all of the other people around them as well, staring at the two of them in silence. Embarrassment flooded through him, causing his cheeks to burn.

“I’m sorry...but thank you so much for your help” he eventually uttered, muffled from his own mask that he was wearing as well.

He ducked his head and scurried away from the scene, not making eye contact with anyone around him, just keeping an eye on where his feet were leading him.

He found his way back to his shared apartment with his friend, Doyoung, who was on the couch watching TV. He leaned his back against the door and heaved a heavy sigh once he was inside. His roommate heard him, turning his head towards him to give him his full attention.

“What’s up?” he had his middle fingers pointed towards his chest, then flicked them away from him so his palms were facing the ceiling.

Taeyong greatly appreciated that Doyoung had gone through the trouble of learning sign language for him, even though he was still learning, it was the thought that count. In all honesty, sign language was Taeyong’s second language and was something that even he was still learning. Reading lips was doable, but the concentration strained his eyes and brain, and there were sometimes when it just proved to be useless. Reading text was the easiest way for him to communicate, but in shorter conversations like these, it wasn’t necessary.

“I almost got ran over” Taeyong muttered with a mix of uneasiness and confusion, because he still couldn’t quite believe what just happened. He entered further into the room, tossing his bookbag onto the floor beside the couch and flopping down next to Doyoung.

“Oh my god” he watched his roommate’s lips. “Are you okay?” Doyoung moved his hand to spell the letters “o” and “k”.

“I’m in one piece” Taeyong gave a half-assed, unserious reply. The unamused look on Doyoung’s face told him that he needed to elaborate or else he was going to be in deep shit. “Some guy stopped me from walking out in front of the bike.”

“Did you get his name or number?” Doyoung wriggled a teasing eyebrow.

“No, why does that matter?” Taeyong narrowed his eyes, analyzing his roommate’s expression.

“Well did you thank the guy?” Doyoung huffed in annoyance, dropping his attempt to sign it out.

“Of course I did, I’m not a monster” Taeyong griped.

“I bet it wasn’t enough. This guy apparently saved you from getting run over and all you did was say a simple ‘thanks’. You have to thank him properly, how are you supposed to do that without knowing who he is or having a way to contact him.”

“I think you’re making this a bigger deal than it needs to be. I already thanked him. Besides, I’m never going to see him again, so it shouldn’t matter” Taeyong sighed, his roommate always drained so much of his energy.

“You really have no sense of romanticism. What if that guy in the mask was the guy who works at the bakery that you’re head over heels for?”

“Oh please, I would have been able to tell if it was him. Now please stop talking, staring at your mouth is giving me a headache” Taeyong retorted sharply, earning him an offended expression from the man beside him and a shove to his shoulder that nearly pushed him off of the couch.

*

Taeyong entered the all too familiar bakery that he had been frequenting for maybe a month now after it popped up. Despite being relatively new, business was booming, and he had a sneaking suspicion why. It was probably because of the cute employee who always worked the register.

Said man looked Taeyong’s way when he entered the store, and Taeyong could see the cheerful “hello” escape the man’s lips when he walked through the door. Taeyong always wondered why it seemed like the man could tell when he walked in, but he eventually realized that it was because there was a bell attached to the top of the door that jingled whenever someone walked in or out.

He kept his distance from the register, taking a moment to eye the glass display of what treats they had to offer. He tried to ignore the way the cute employee, Jaehyun — as his nametag read — waited patiently for him to decide on his order. The gentle smile adorning his face was soft, but even though he was not being rushed, the mere gaze of the employee made Taeyong feel like he needed to hurry up, or else his skin was going to start turning red.

In the display there were many options for him to choose from, just some of them being slices of different cakes, pie, cake pops, brownies, cookies, cupcakes, muffins, donuts, and scones. That wasn’t even everything, there were of course more savory options as well, such as croissants, rolls, and different kinds of sandwiches.

Taeyong stepped up to the glass case, glancing back and forth between it and the employee, implying that he was ready. He pointed ungracefully to what he wanted, a small blueberry muffin. It was basic, he knew that, but it was blueberry season and there were several items there made with them, so he could only assume that it would be delicious like all of the other treats that he had from this shop.

Jaehyun smiled as he reached into the display to grab the muffin, but he halted when he noticed another employee walking from the kitchen with a fresh batch of muffins. He sifted through them instead, looking for a warm one for Taeyong. When he found one, he turned to Taeyong with that bubbly smile of his and plated it.

“Would you like something to drink?” he asked.

Taeyong stilled, he had completely forgotten about that, but then he remembered the convenient menu of drinks that sat on the counter. He glanced over it briefly, not wanting to take up too much of Jaehyun’s time. He settled on an iced green tea latte, pointing at the image of the drink. Jaehyun said the name of the drink aloud and Taeyong nodded his head in confirmation. Then, Taeyong paid for his order and sat down at one of his favorite tables, one that faced the register and kept his back against the wall, so that he could see everything, and nobody could sneak up behind him.

One of his favorite things about this bakery was that your order was brought to you, he didn’t have to worry about paying attention for when his name was called. He would be lying if he said he didn’t enjoy it when the cute employee brought him his order. He watched as his light brown hair bounced with each step. He wanted to touch it, wondering how soft and fluffy it actually was. His skin was perfect, looking just as cushiony as the many delicate breads that he made. And when he smiled, the way his eyes crinkled made his heart do flips. Jaehyun placed Taeyong’s drink and muffin in front of him, telling him to enjoy them before he stepped away.

“What has you smiling all disgustingly cute like that?” his coworker, Yuta, barked from behind the counter when Jaehyun returned.

“A customer” Jaehyun replied professionally. “It’s kind of my job to be polite to them.”

Yuta narrowed his eyes judgingly at Jaehyun, craning his neck to look over the other’s shoulder and see who it was he smiling so dumbly at.

“Ahh, the regular” Yuta cooed once he realized who it was. “Has he said anything to you yet?”

“No...” Jaehyun paused shortly before continuing, “I think he’s really shy” a small smile found its way back onto his face.

“Well, maybe you’re just not his type. What if I talk to him?” Yuta remarked, a sly grin forming on his face.

“Don’t do that, you’ll scare him off” Jaehyun glared. Yuta met Jaehyun’s gaze with an equally menacing scowl. “I think I’ll just wait for him to talk to me, and if he doesn’t want to, then that’s that.”

“You’re no fun, where’s your sense of adventure?” Yuta tutted, crossing his arms and his lips forming into a small pout.

“I left it off the clock, because I would like to keep my work and personal life separate. Now, if you don’t mind, you have an order to take” Jaehyun nodded his head towards the register, where a customer was waiting for someone to take their order.

“Oh!” Yuta exclaimed in a surprising tone, shooting a short glare at Jaehyun for not having said something sooner about the customer.

Jaehyun chuckled to himself, glancing back to the cute, quiet customer who he had just given his order to. He was in the middle of cutting a piece of his muffin with a fork, a content grin spreading across his face when the pastry hit his tongue. Jaehyun had noticed early into the mysterious customer’s visits that he always looked so happy whenever he ate their treats. He must have truly loved sweets, and Jaehyun thought that that was absolutely the most adorable thing.

He did sort of wonder what his voice sounded like. He wanted to hear him compliment the food, wanted to know what he liked to eat, because maybe he would make him something special for coming to the store so often. He watched for a few more seconds until he heard his name being shouted from the kitchen, brainstorming ways that he could get the man to talk to him.

*

It’s dark.

Pitch black nothingness, even though Taeyong’s eyes are open.

He panics, because he needs his sight when his hearing has failed him. But, he actually hears something — someone. It’s muffled, so he can’t make out the words, but it sounds like someone is arguing with him. Their tone is riddled with anger. But, Taeyong can’t seem to find the strength to use his own voice. Then, there is someone else — a different voice. It’s apologetic, soft and sad. Taeyong thinks he can even make out sniveling before the angry voice comes back in full force. It was yelling now, screaming at Taeyong about something, but he still didn’t know what. He was mostly confused, only mildly alarmed by the mysterious voice in a sea of darkness, until he heard it drawing closer to him. He felt threatened. He needed to get out. Out! OUT!

His eyes snapped open, choking on nothing and gasping for air. He patted down his body, checking if he was alright and if this was reality, noticing how his heart rate was through the roof. He leaned up, his sheets damp with sweat and his hair stuck to his forehead. He had been sleeping, yet he felt like he needed to go back to bed immediately, so drained of his energy. He shut his eyes briefly, heaving a sigh of relief. He got dressed for the day, sporting a baby pink sweater before making his way to the living room.

“You’re up earlier than usual for a Saturday” Doyoung signed because he had his mouth full of breakfast and that would surely make it hard for Taeyong to read properly.

“Bad dream” Taeyong laughed casually, making the situation much less serious than it was.

“Again?” Doyoung asked, concern apparent in his expression. “I don’t mean to pry or pressure you into anything, but I still think that you should see a doctor about it. They might have some medication to help with them.”

“I don’t need medication, Doyoung. The best medication is time after all” Taeyong dismissed the idea.

Doyoung hung his head low in defeat. “Well, you should eat something. The last thing I need on top of your sleeping problems is for you to develop an eating disorder too” the younger joked, already standing up to prepare something.

Taeyong moved the curtains of one of their windows, glancing outside. It was a beautiful sunny day, and the thought of going out seemed much more enticing than to stay at home to eat breakfast. “No thanks” he kindly declined, “I think I’m going to head on out and grab some food.”

“Gonna go to the bakery where that cute guy works?” Doyoung halted his actions, quirking an eyebrow knowingly at the other.

“Maybe” Taeyong teased, grabbing his bag just in case he might need it and slipping on his shoes before heading out the door.

Taeyong did in fact go to the bakery, because what’s better than an already sunny day? More sun, preferably in the form of the cute employee. When he walked in, he hadn’t expected it to be so busy. But, the more he thought about it, it was the weekend after all, and it was a lovely day out. He noticed the abundance of “coming soon” posters scattered throughout the shop, advertising the recent strawberries that were coming into season and what treats the store planned to make with them. They all looked amazing and he wished that he could try them now, but he would just have to wait. It was definitely nice though, it was something that he had come to really like about this bakery, that they always tried to use what was in season and local.

He placed one of his more common orders, one that Jaehyun honestly already had memorized, but he wouldn’t tell Taeyong that. He took his normal seat, scrolling through his phone absentmindedly until his order came. And when it did, he realized that he would never get used to Jaehyun bringing it to him with that courteous smile of his on his face. But, there was something extra, something that Taeyong hadn’t ordered. Jaehyun had set down a small plate with a pink macaron.

“This is a complimentary strawberry macaron. With strawberry season right around the corner, I want to feature it in some of my food. Nobody but me has tried this so far, and you come here a fair amount, so I would like if you could tell me what you think of it” he said as he took the vacant seat across from Taeyong.

Taeyong blinked blankly at the other, taken aback by the sudden request. He swallowed thickly after realizing that he had probably been stunned for too long, drawing his attention to the small biscuit that sat atop the table. He nodded his head, accepting the offer before he pulled the plate closer to himself and picked up the macaron. He ignored Jaehyun’s soft, expecting gaze, pushing down the heat he felt creeping at his face from the attention as he took a bite. It was the textbook definition of a perfect macaron, and why someone who had probably only been baking for a few years of their life was this good was a mystery to Taeyong. He momentarily forgot that Jaehyun was there after the taste of the macaron was on his tongue — lost in its delicate notes — only to be reminded when he saw the other cock his head with intrigue.

“It’s delicious” he mumbled, his mouth still full with food and his hand in front of it to save Jaehyun from the gross display. Needless to say, it was near impossible to make out what he had said. So, Jaehyun leaned forward and raised his eyebrows — a silent gesture that he couldn’t hear him. “It’s delicious” Taeyong repeated, louder this time, still nervous about how he sounded to the other, because it was hard to control the volume of his voice when he couldn’t hear it himself.

A proud smile slowly found its way onto Jaehyun’s face, one that he wouldn’t look away from Taeyong with. “So you do speak” he hummed, leaning forward to place his elbows on the table, even more interested than before.

“Y-yeah, of course” Taeyong dismissed the obvious claim like it was nothing. Like he hadn’t spent literal months not talking to this guy.

Jaehyun tapped lightly at his bottom lip, leading Taeyong to withdraw by craning his neck back and furrowing his brows, because was this guy really insinuating for him to kiss him? “You have some biscuit on your lips” Jaehyun finally said.

Ah, so that was it. Taeyong rubbed the crumbs away bashully, avoiding further eye contact with the handsome employee. That should have been that, that should have been enough for Jaehyun to be on his merry way after getting a thumbs up on his dessert, but for some reason he was still sitting there...looking Taeyong up and down.

“Pink really suits you” he cooed, and the amount of time that it took Taeyong to realize he meant his sweater and not the crumbs on his lips was embarrassing. “I’m Jaehyun by the way.”

“I can see that” Taeyong teased as he motioned to the name tag pinned to the brunette’s uniform.

“What’s your name?” Jaehyun asked as his head tilted to the side out of interest, whether he was aware of it or not. It was cute, because he kind of resembled a puppy in Taeyong’s eyes.

“Taeyong” he answered, for some reason feeling embarrassed about revealing that information.

“Taeyong” Jaehyun repeated, and it was at this moment when Taeyong really wished that he could hear him say it. “Well, it was nice to meet — talk — with you, Taeyong” Jaehyun corrected himself, because they had in fact clearly met before, as if Taeyong hadn’t been frequenting the store for some time.

Jaehyun scooted his chair back and pushed it back under the table, nodding his head once as a final goodbye before turning on his heel to get back to work.

“Thanks by the way...you didn’t have to, and strawberry macarons is one of my favorite foods. So um, yeah...thanks” Taeyong clenched his jaw further and further into the sentence because God could he get anymore cringey? Had he even been loud enough? Maybe Jaehyun hadn’t heard him. That wouldn’t be half bad, at least then he could live knowing that Jaehyun hadn’t heard that awkward attempt at a thank you. But, then the other was already turning to face him.

“No problem, Taeyong” Jaehyun smiled fondly, and Taeyong was coming to realize that for the greater good of his health, he was going to need Jaehyun to stop saying his name so much.

Jaehyun was in the middle of walking away again, but then Taeyong saw him cock his head to the side before coming to a halt. “Hey, this is a weird question” he began as he turned to look at Taeyong again, “but a while back...did you happen to almost get hit by a bike?”

Taeyong furrowed his brow out of confusion, firstly because what was he suddenly talking about? And then because how did he know that? “Yeah?” he had one of his brows raised in a wary manner.

“...Did a guy in a mask help you?” he continued cautiously, like even he was confused as to what he was asking.

“...Yeah?” Taeyong answered again, and then suddenly—

“Oh my God...” they both gaped at one another.

“I thought it might be a shot in the dark, but your voice sounded familiar and I just couldn’t pass up asking”

“Well umm...I suppose I owe you another thanks” Taeyong chuckled hesitantly.

“Jaehyun!” Yuta shouted angrily from across the shop, hands on his hips as he glanced back and forth between Jaehyun and the long line that had formed at the counter.

Taeyong couldn’t help but to find the way Jaehyun’s eyes widened in shock to be cute. He watched as the younger looked back at him apologetically before scurrying to the crowd of huffy customers. Taeyong returned his attention back to his meal, especially savoring the strawberry macron that Jaehyun had specially made for him. He felt a lingering gaze that itched at his skin, meeting Jaehyun’s eye when he looked up to find the source of the feeling. Despite being busy, Jaehyun couldn’t seem to stop looking at Taeyong — at least that’s what Taeyong was coming to realize since every time he looked over to the counter, Jaehyun was looking at him. Whenever their eyes met, Jaehyun would glance away, using his work to occupy himself and pretending as if he had not been daydreaming.

Taeyong tried to calm the creeping rush of blood pumping from his heart, making him uneasy. He finished his meal and got up quietly in the middle of the rush to leave without further heart strain. But, even when shuffling out the door seemingly unnoticed, he glanced back once more only to see Jaehyun staring at him with a look of disappointment. The expression didn’t suit his usually bubbly and warm energy, the one that showed his dimples and made Taeyong’s heart flutter. So, Taeyong gave him a soft smile before leaving the rest of the way out the door, a smile that Jaehyun returned.

He strode quickly a few blocks away before slowing his pace, unsure of what he was fleeing from. He may be crazy, but he thought that maybe...this was going somewhere. Were he and Jaehyun going somewhere? It was an odd sensation — exhilarating even — falling for someone. An indescribable happiness mixed with uncertainty. He hadn’t been in a relationship for quite some time — years — he reminded himself as he reminisced. The thought of being in a relationship was a little scary, but he couldn’t deny that it was something that he did sort of crave.

But, what if he was getting ahead of himself? What if he was just manifesting these ideas and feelings in his head when Jaehyun didn’t actually like him back. Maybe it was all in his head, it’s Jaehyun’s job to be nice to customers, and that’s what Taeyong was after all. He closed his eyes and took in a few deep breaths to calm his beating heart, all worked up after Jaehyun’s lingering eyes and his sprint down the street. When he opened them, he noticed the convenience store that he was now standing in front of. He saw his reflection in the glass, his pink sweater being displayed back to him with its colors dulled. He heard — well, imagined — Jaehyun’s words from earlier, about the color pink suiting him. And that’s how he found himself walking back home with a plastic bag in his hand and inside of it, a box of hair dye. He was never exactly one for good choices, who knows how this one would turn out.

*

Taeyong confined himself to his room as much as possible the next few days. Why you ask? Because he had royally fucked up his hair. Mortified when he stepped out of the shower only to see that the pigment took to his hair like glue. He had wanted it to be a more pastel, soft pink as displayed on the box, but there he stood with bright, neon pink hair. Doyoung had nearly keeled over from laughing so hard of course, so it’s not like Taeyong had anyone to tell him that his hot pink hair looked good.

Despite how much he really wanted to, he couldn’t skip his classes, so he threw his hood over his head and called it a day. He briefly thanked whatever deity existed that he wasn’t in high school, because he was sure that the teachers there would force him to remove his hood, but his professors could hardly see him all the way in the back of his lecture hall, let alone care that he even was wearing it. He struggled to keep his eyes open, slightly wishing that he had gotten a coffee at the place where Jaehyun worked, but he’d be damned if he let Jaehyun see him with this hair. To put it shortly, he was in Operation Avoid Jaehyun. It was simple enough, all he had to do was not go to the bakery until he bought a different hair dye, or waited for some of the color to fade out.

He got a message in the middle of class from Doyoung, asking him if he wanted to grab some lunch with him in the dining hall. So, he met up with Doyoung after his class was over. Doyoung snickered when he saw Taeyong walk in with his hood up, feigning intimidation when he received a menacing glare.

“Still sporting the ‘hormonal teenage boy’ look I see” he teased with a shit eating grin. Taeyong didn’t respond, he just flipped him off instead. “By the way, I hope you don’t mind, but I invited Johnny and he asked if his friend could join so I said yeah” Doyoung informed as he started eating.

“I don’t care, Johnny is chill so I assume his friend would be too” Taeyong turned his attention to his own food, too hungry to be annoyed with Doyoung any more than he already was.

Johnny and Doyoung had been dating for maybe 6 months, and frankly Taeyong forgot half the time because Doyoung rarely talked about him. With that said, they hadn’t met too many times either, but in the brief instances where they had, Johnny seemed pretty easygoing.

Doyoung was in the middle of complaining to Taeyong something about one of his professors, and though Taeyong was looking at his lips, he wasn’t reading them — too deep in his thoughts to focus on what Doyoung was saying. He couldn’t help but to replay the moment when Jaehyun said that pink suited him over and over in his head, twirling a piece of his fringe between his fingers and pulling it just far enough away from between his eyes so that he could see it. Only when he noticed Doyoung’s eyes flick up to someone behind him and a smile settle onto his lips did he come back to reality.

“Johnny” Doyoung purred, and though Taeyong couldn’t hear it, he could just tell that the name was called sickeningly sweet.

His own eyes drifted up towards the elder once he came into view, giving him a thin lipped smile. Johnny leaned down to press a short kiss to the top of Doyoung’s head. Not wanting to exactly stare at his roommate and some guy he had only met a few times be affectionate with each other, he glanced off to the side. He nearly had a heart attack when he saw the torso of someone standing beside him, their presence having been blocked by Taeyong’s hood. After the slight startle, he remembered that Doyoung said Johnny would be bringing a friend. After regaining his composure, Taeyong put on his best forced smile before craning his neck up towards the person standing beside him. He felt his heart drop into the pit of his stomach when he was met face to face with exactly who he was trying to avoid; Jaehyun.

“Hey!” Jaehyun exclaimed excitedly, “I haven’t seen you at the bakery in a few days...do you not like me anymore?”

Taeyong could tell that it was only a joke given the way that Jaehyun was still wearing his blinding smile, dimples and all. But, that didn’t change the fact that Taeyong almost found himself denying the fake accusation. Of course he didn’t dislike Jaehyun, and if dying his hair neon pink just for the chance that Jaehyun might like it didn’t count as infatuation, then Taeyong wasn’t sure what could.

He gaped up at the other, scooting his chair back abruptly and excusing himself after he came to the realization that yes Jaehyun was there, and yes he might see his hair. He darted out of the dining hall, gripping the sides of his hood and pulling it down snug so that it wouldn’t fly backwards. The spring weather that was creeping into summer made the air suffocatingly hot around him, so his hoodie definitely didn’t help him cool down, and neither did his brisk walk across campus. He didn’t dare look behind him, worried of what or who he might see, but he did slow his pace after he thought that he had covered a considerable amount of ground.

Then, his heart nearly leaped out from his throat when Jaehyhun came running up beside him, only to loop in front of him. He raised his hands to Taeyong’s shoulders, making him come to a halt. He kept his head hung low, hunched over and his shoulders rising and falling as he took deep breaths, and Taeyong was just the same. They stood there in relative silence save for their panting for some time. Jaehyun looked up at Taeyong through his fringe, the side of his mouth quirking up into a smile when he made eye contact with the elder. Smiling after chasing someone who was clearly running away from them...Taeyong was beginning to think that Jaehyun might be crazy.

“It’s not exactly the right weather to be wearing a hoodie” Jaehyhun eventually said, and Taeyong hated the way he was able to switch the mood to be so casual.

“I just don’t want to get a lot of sun, I burn easily” Taeyong lied through his teeth, sweating bullets down his spine and soaking the shirt that was underneath the hoodie.

“Uh huh...” Taeyong watched as Jaehyun halfheartedly replied, his eyes wandering somewhere else on Taeyong’s face rather than his eyes. “You don’t have to lie to me, I can see your pink hair peeking through.”

Jaehyun reached for the same piece of hair between Taeyong’s eyes that he himself had been playing with when he was with Doyoung. He let the strand rest atop his index finger while his thumb ran down the expanse of the miraculously soft hair despite having been bleached with cheap products. In the back of Taeyong’s head, he noted that he was really due for a haircut, unaware of the small pout adorning his lips from being caught. Jaehyun moved his hand from Taeyong’s hair, gripping lightly at the side of Taeyong’s hood. He raised his brows at Taeyong, a silent question if he could push the hood back, with which Taeyong answered by lowering his eyes in defeat. Jaehyun pushed it off of Taeyong’s head, and Taeyong wished that he could just hear him, because he didn’t want to have to see Jaehyun’s face too when he was sure that he was only going to be made fun of.

“It’s...loud” Jaehyun finally said, and Taeyong wasn’t sure if that was a compliment or an insult, but it was something that’s for sure. “The opposite of you” he smiled fondly, those dimples that Taeyong found hard to resist back on his cheeks.

“It’s ugly, I know. It wasn’t supposed to be like this...it was supposed to be light pink” Taeyong muttered, embarrassed from his mishap and embarrassed that he felt like he needed to explain himself to someone who probably wanted more than for him to be a loyal customer. Because what’s good for business? Returning customers, and that’s what Taeyong was.

“I like it” Jaehyun announced with a mix of confidence and confusion at the fact that it seemed that Taeyong _didn’t_ like it.

“Y-you do?” Taeyong’s brow pinched in disbelief.

“Yeah! After all, I said before that pink suits you” Jaehyun hummed. It was probably an innocent compliment, but Taeyong couldn’t help the way he let the words affect him. An overwhelming flutter in his heart that spread goosebumps all over his skin like wildfire.

Taeyong wasn’t sure how to respond, he had never been the best at accepting compliments. He hoped that the small smile lingering on his lips was thanks enough to Jaehyun, because words seemed to escape him at that moment. A short moment of silence passed between them — though always silent for Taeyong so he was comfortable with it — but Jaehyun looked visibly uneasy compared to before.

“So I was wondering...and I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, but would you be interested in getting some coffee with me sometime?” Jaehyun fidgeted with his own fingers, glancing side to side since he was unable to look Taeyong in the eye.

Taeyong tried not to gape at the other, but it was too late for his eyes that had already grown half their usual size. Naturally his immediate reaction was yes, but the more he thought on it, the more that nagging voice in the back of his mind bothered him, reeling him back in to reality. It told him that there was no way that they could go on a date without Jaehyun figuring out that Taeyong is deaf at some point. And what would happen if he did find out? Jaehyun would probably decide that it was too much of a hassle to date a deaf person, or maybe Taeyong would seem less attractive to him.

The shift in Taeyong’s expression had Jaehyun even more nervous than before. “Or maybe not coffee since you like sweet things. We could go to a cafe to get some desserts, or we could watch a movie...whatever you want to do really” Jaehyun was rambling.

Taeyong’s voice was caught in his throat, unable to find the words to give Jaehyun an answer. But, in that moment his phone buzzed in his pocket, so he took a second to look at it as an excuse to gather his thoughts. It was from Doyoung, asking him why he had run off in a hurry. It wasn’t exactly mature, but Taeyong took that as his cue to leave. He was too stunned and anxious to give an immediate answer.

“I’m sorry, my friend messaged me and I have to go” he blurted as he stepped past Jaehyun.

He imagined that maybe Jaehyun was calling his name behind him, or trying to form words that never came to get Taeyong’s attention. But that didn’t matter because Taeyong wasn’t going to hear them. And what he couldn't hear, couldn’t hurt him.

*

“Stop moping from your rejection” Yuta scolded as he set down a fresh tray of silverware and napkins in front of Jaehyun for him to wrap.

“I’m not moping” was all that Jaehyun could say, taking the silverware in one hand and a napkin in the other. While he would normally argue with the other that he hadn’t exactly been rejected, he couldn’t find the energy to do so. Maybe he was sulking.

“And I’m not Japanese. Now get your head out of the clouds and go take the muffins out of the oven before they burn” Yuta said as he walked by Jaehyun to the apparent customer that had been standing at the register who Jaehyun didn’t notice.

Yuta was right, he couldn’t let his slightly crushed heart interfere with his work. He walked back to the kitchen, uncomfortably hot from the constantly working ovens and from their malfunctioning air conditioner. He gritted his teeth when he accidentally burned his hand while grabbing the muffin tray — a sensation that he had become used to. He set the tray on the counter to cool, walking back to the front to run his hand under some cool water from the sink.

He did a quick sweep of the floor when he emerged from the kitchen, making sure that no customers needed anything and were happy. What he hadn’t expected to see though, was a serious faced Taeyong glancing around the shop. He was stunned, frozen in place aside from the way his heart squeezed when he saw Taeyong’s face morph into concern, and squeezing even harder when they made eye contact and Taeyong’s face lit up for a split second before composing himself. Jaehyun pulled himself together, he really shouldn’t be this happy over just seeing the elder, he didn’t know what he was here for after all.

“I suppose I have some explaining to do” Taeyong huffed a nervous laugh after he approached the counter.

“Not really” Jaehyun stepped closer to him, but despite his want to give Taeyong his attention, he couldn’t help but to look off to the side. Taeyong’s presence made him feel a mix of emotions; nervousness, excitement, fondness and many more. A peculiar concoction that Jaehyun wasn’t sure how to handle it, resulting in a slight pout of his lips.

“Well I do...because if I don’t say this, then it’s going to bug me forever” Taeyong’s more dominant approach took Jaehyun by surprise. He could tell by Taeyong’s previous expression that he meant business, but that didn’t change the fact that his serious face still shook Jaehyun a little. Taeyong took in a steady breath, exhaling it just as smoothly. “I’m deaf.”

Taeyong watched Jaehyun’s face carefully. He had built himself up for this moment, built his wall that he hoped would protect him when Jaehyun verbally turned him away with his words or visually with his uncomfortable expression. He didn’t want pity either, he hated that. Why beat him down when he had already spent plenty of time doing that to himself? Especially when he first lost his hearing.

“Okay” Jaehyun said, short and sweet.

“‘Okay’?” Taeyong parroted, a little thrown off from the response.

“Yeah, okay. I guess that explains why you didn’t hear me when you nearly got ran over” he chuckled. His nonchalant reaction to Taeyong’s confession had him conflicted. Happy that Jaehyun wasn’t bothered by it, but also not overly surprised. He supposed that this was the best outcome that he could have asked for. “And why you’re always looking at my lips” he grinned, but rubbed nervously at the back of his neck.

“Oh my God!...” Jaehyun suddenly gaped at Taeyong, his eyes blown wide from fret. “Don’t tell me...was that the only reason you were always looking at me so adamantly? Was I misinterpreting the situation? I thought that maybe you might kind of like me too...that’s why I asked you out” Jaehyun started his nervous habit of rambling. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncom-”

“No, you didn’t read the situation wrong” Taeyong boldly interjected. “I um...I would like to take you up on that offer...the date I mean.”

Jaehyun blinked at Taeyong in disbelief, quirking his head to the side, and Taeyong had to resist the urge to grin at the image. “Okay...Okay!” a pleased smile spread across Jaehyun’s face slowly as the realization set in. Taeyong couldn’t help but chuckle at the fact that ‘okay’ seemed to be making up the entirety of their conversation.

“Well...what should we do?” Taeyong eventually mumbled, growing ever more embarrassed by the idea that he and Jaehyun were actually going to go on a date. Jaehyun; the boy he had been crushing on for months.

“Jaehyun!” Yuta bellowed from the doorway of the kitchen, a tray of burned muffins in hand and visibly seething.

“Ah crap...” Jaehyun grumbled under his breath before returning his attention back to Taeyong. “You don’t have to worry about it, I’ll handle it. I just need your number.”

Taeyong looked up fondly at the other while they both fished for their phones, so excited about how this was playing out. In all honesty, he had told himself to not get his hopes up — that this probably wasn’t going to work out. But from his best judgment, it seemed that Jaehyun was a down to Earth guy who didn’t care about his disability, and that just had him anticipating their time together more and more.

“Okay!”

*

There Taeyong stood in an empty street, rain falling from the dimly lit and gloomy dawn sky. He was alone, yet he heard that familiar angry voice, yelling muffled words at him. He looked around, trying to find the source of the screaming, but it was ownerless, the voice surrounding the air around him and attacking him from all angles. He recognized this street though, it was the one he had grown up on. Without warning, the voice grew louder, and next thing Taeyong knew, he was laying down on the ground. He could see blood mixing with the pools of water streaming by on the pavement. He couldn’t move, but he assumed it was his. The screaming was gone, having been replaced with someone else’s voice, the same one he had heard before. It was crying again, sniveling feebly. Taeyong could finally make out what it was saying though. The voice was pleading, chanting over and over again, “I’m so sorry.”

Taeyong sucked in sharply and jumped slightly at the feeling of his phone vibrating against his skin. He exhaled slowly after realizing that he had been holding his breath, opening his eyes and leaving that damn dream behind again.

“Fucking asshole...” he grumbled under his breath.

He rolled onto his side, grabbing his phone from where it had been cast aside to see who had saved him from his early morning demons. It was a message from Jaehyun, asking him if he was free to go on their date today. The way he immediately stood up to get ready before even responding should have been embarrassing, but he was still a little too sleep deprived to care enough.

He informed Doyoung of what he was doing before he headed out, so that the other wouldn’t fret if he for some reason came home late. When he had gone home that day after suddenly dipping from his lunch with doyoung, the younger was there waiting to chew him out with questions. Taeyong filled him in, that the person accompanying Johnny had been the Jaehyun who worked at the nearby bakery.

After the mild shock subsided, Doyoung made it a point to thoroughly scold Taeyong for blatantly running away from the person he liked. Taeyong supposed that he needed to thank Doyoung for talking some sense into him, and being the main reason he built up enough courage to go talk to Jaehyun. But, he wasn’t going to feed Doyoung’s ego.

“Sooo...where are we going?” Taeyong asked suspiciously, waiting for Jaehyun to finish tidying up and take off his little apron. Jaehyun had asked him to meet him at the bakery rather than give him directions to where they would be hanging out, which Taeyong found a little odd, but he wasn’t about to complain since he got to spend more time with Jaehyun this way.

“We-” Jaehyun paused for dramatic effect while he fished for something behind the counter where Taeyong couldn’t see. Next thing Taeyong knew, Jaehyun was planting a hefty basket atop the counter. “-Are going on a picnic date at the park” he cooed, eyes warm with excitement and dimples on full display.

And that’s how Taeyong found himself sitting in the middle of the park under the shade of a large oak tree, and on top of a blanket prepared by the handsome boy he was having lunch with. Jaehyun had really outdone himself, everything had been handmade by him, from sandwiches, snacks, and desserts. Taeyong was happily munching on a cupcake when he made eye contact with a random passerby, observing his and Jaehyun’s date. He wasn’t sure if he was proud to be seen with such a good looking guy, or embarrassed over his own appearance. He glanced cautiously to Jaehyun to see if the other had noticed the way people were looking at them, but Jaehyun was looking at him rather than the bystanders.

“This hair of yours seems to be turning heads, even when it has already faded some” he grinned, cocking his head to the side in fondness.

“Yeah...it definitely draws a lot of attention” Taeyong laughed sheepishly, running a nervous hand through his pink locks.

“Good, people should pay attention to you” Jaehyun said so easily with his whole chest.

Taeyong was physically and mentally stunned, completely frozen by mere words alone. He wasn’t sure how to respond to the compliment, scrambling to regain his composure, he decided to put the attention on Jaehyun instead.

“Can I ask you something?” he mumbled, avoiding eye contact as he reached for a chilled, chocolate dipped strawberry.

“Sure” Jaehyun leaned back on the heels of his palms, looking so casual, and Taeyong wished he could be that relaxed right now.

“Why a picnic?” he asked before chomping around the sweet treat in his hand.

Jaehyun paused for a second to compile his thoughts, and dare Taeyong say he saw a faint blush creeping across the younger’s cheeks. “I thought about it for a while. I wanted to provide an environment for you to be comfortable, that’s why I ruled out a movie, because most theaters don’t use subtitles and I didn’t want to make you sit through hours of lip reading a movie you might not even like. Then I thought about getting dinner at a restaurant, but I thought that maybe the third party waiter might make you uncomfortable...I mean it took you months to talk to me after all” Jaehyun took a small jab at Taeyong, who only scoffed lightly at the very true fact. “And then I finally thought about a picnic...a bit more of an intimate setting with little to no interference from other people...so that you feel comfortable” Jaehyun muttered the last bit, for some reason embarrassed by his attention to detail and how thorough he had thought this out.

Taeyong instinctually glanced away, turning his head because he could feel his face getting hot. He focused on a little boy and girl playing ball not too far from them, needing something — anything — to distract him from the pounding in his chest. Jaehyun was still for a few moments, but then Taeyong saw him stir out of the corner of his eye. He kept his eyes trained ahead, but the way Jaehyun was moving closer to him was grounds for him to mentally freak out. Especially when he could tell that Jaehyun was leaning his face in closer to his. He didn’t know what he should do. Was Jaehyun about to kiss him on the cheek? Should he turn so that he could kiss him on the lips.

His internal battle — though it seemed to go on for ages — was short lived, because what he felt on his skin was not Jaehyun’s lips, but his fingers. Jaehyun wiped a gentle stripe across Tayeong’s bottom lip with his thumb.

“You had some chocolate on your lip” he said without a shred of embarrassment and full of innocence, leading Taeyong to wallow in his own self loathing for jumping to such conclusions.

“Oh! Thanks!” Taeyong spluttered with unnecessary enthusiasm — clearly a little shaken, but he hoped that Jaehyun couldn’t tell.

Their date went on like that, with Taeyong becoming flustered one way or another, whether it be from Jaehyun or his own thoughts. The sun had just begun to set when Jaehyun suggested that he should take Taeyong home. Taeyong told him that he didn’t have to of course — that he could easily find his way back on his own. But, Jaehyun kindly insisted, and a small — big — part of Taeyong hoped that it was because he wanted to spend more time with him.

It was comical really, being walked back home by the man he liked while being engulfed by the final warm rays of the sunset. Just that alone was like a scene out of a movie, but then as if it couldn’t get more cheesy, Jaehyun took it upon himself to sneakily take hold of Taeyong’s hand. Taeyong looked at him in shock, only to have Jaehyun look back at him with a warm smile that challenged the sun, followed by a playful squeeze of the hand that he was holding. Taeyong let it happen, hoping that Jaehyun couldn’t feel his pulse through his palm as they walked hand in hand. For lack of a better word, it was perfect.

When they arrived at Taeyong’s shared home with Doyoung, Taeyong couldn’t help but to secretly wish that he lived farther away. He had grown swiftly accustomed to the feeling of his hand in Jaehyun’s, so he had to repress any verbal whine or visible pout when Jaehyun let him go and the contact was lost. Taeyong turned to face him after Jaehyun walked him to the door, ready to give their parting goodbyes, but not wanting to.

“Well...” Jaehyun sighed dreamily, clearly reluctant to be leaving as well. “Today was really nice, Taeyong.”

“I agree” Taeyong replied, unaware of how quiet his voice was. But, luckily the air was still and street was nearly empty given the time.

He watched as Jaehyun’s posture changed and he shuffled uncertainly from one foot to the other. “And I would really like if we could do this again.”

“I’d really like that too” a pleased smile settling onto his face.

Jaehyun raised his hand to his lips, then gestured it back down to Taeyong as thanks. “This is the only sign I can offer you right now...I really need to brush up on my sign” he chuckled apologetically.

“We’ll work on it” Taeyong teased the younger, feeling a bit of that puppy love resurfacing after agreeing to go out again and riding that sweet high.

Jaehyun stood there for a little while, and Taeyong could swear he saw the cogs turning in his head. It was the question of the century that many couples went through at the end of a date; to kiss or not to kiss? At this point, he would be lying if he said that he didn’t want Jaehyun to kiss him, but he wasn’t going to outright ask for it. He waited patiently for Jaehyun to make up his mind, appearing calm on the outside, but his heart going a mile a minute. Taeyong watched as Jaehyun made up his mind, and watched as he stepped backwards to leave.

Without a second thought, Taeyong stepped forward, wrapping his arms around Jaehyun’s waist and letting his hands rest against his shoulder blades. He was too much of a coward to go in for the kiss, but he supposed this was better than nothing. Perhaps that short hand holding session had made him spoiled to Jaehyun’s touch. His heart swelled with relief when Jaehyun returned the hug, placing one hand between Taeyong’s shoulder blades and the other on the back of his head. The hug was long, but oddly natural despite being their first. Taeyong could get used to this, feeling Jaehyun’s warmth against his skin and the light smell of his cologne.

After much hesitation, they both withdrew at the same time. “I’ll see you later” Jaehyun hummed, his eyes crinkling at the edges from his intense smile.

Taeyong didn’t say anything, simply returning the smile and nodding his head in confirmation. With that, Jaehyun turned on his heel and left for the night. Taeyong stood there briefly, watching Jaehyun leave and coming to terms with the fact that he was actually kind of dating his long time crush, and that said person liked him back. He spun around, approaching the door with a spring in his step. He was so ready to tell Doyoung all about their date, only to find that the other had been stalking them from the window. However, with being thoroughly smitten, Taeyong couldn’t care less and freaked out with Doyoung about his date for the remainder of the night.

*

It was a normal day for Taeyong and Jaehyun. Taeyong was visiting the store every day now, if not to buy something — which Jaehyun always insisted that it was on the house — then to just chat with Jaehyun when he had free time. And on this day, the news that Taeyong was deaf had come not exactly like Jaehyun had intended to Yuta. Jaehyun told Yuta that they were officially dating after the two went on their second date, and of course Yuta was all for their relationship. So, one day when Taeyong was sitting at the counter and Jaehyun was in the kitchen, Yuta decided to strike up a conversation with his friend’s boyfriend.

He started talking to him while he was making coffee for another customer, but Taeyong didn’t notice because Yuta had his back turned towards him. He looked back to Taeyong after he didn’t hear a response, noticing that the elder was staring off at a different part of the store, so he repeated himself. When Taeyong didn’t budge the second time, he stepped closer to the other, waving his hand to get his attention. Taeyong jumped the slightest at the motion out of his peripheral vision, turning his head towards Yuta to see what he wanted.

“Are you deaf or something?” Yuta joked, completely not being serious in his words.

But, Taeyong couldn’t tell because he didn’t know Yuta that well, and he didn’t even know where that sudden accusation came from due to not having noticed that Yuta was trying to talk to him before. So the look of shock mixed with offense on his face was completely warranted. And the fact that Jaehyun just so happened to walk out in that moment to hear Yuta didn’t help either.

“Why are you being mean to Taeyong?” he asked defensively after seeing the look of devastation on Taeyong’s face.

After much confusion and explaining, Yuta was eventually informed that Taeyong was indeed deaf. Which led to a series of profuse apologies from the younger.

As time went on, Jaehyun got better at his sign, and even Yuta who practiced a little out of respect for Taeyong. Jaehyun also decided to make little ordering tickets where people could fill out the ticket to place their order instead of telling an employee. He got this idea after Taeyong told him that he could still talk since he lost his hearing late in his life rather than early, but that didn’t mean that it still didn’t make him nervous or embarrassed to talk when he couldn’t even hear his own voice. He told him that his sheer fear of embarrassing himself had been the sole reason he didn’t speak to Jaehyun for so long. So, out of respect for those customers who might be uncomfortable to speak or those who couldn’t, Jaehyun made those tickets. He also bought some vibrating pagers that lit up so that when they were too busy to personally bring orders to the customers’ tables, they would know that their order was ready from the pager.

Taeyong hadn’t even been the one to recommend it, so of course he was happy that Jaehyun cared enough to do such a thing. A lot of places didn’t take hearing impaired people into mind, so to have Jaehyun take it upon himself to make the shop more easily accessible and welcoming was something that made him fall for him all the more.

About two months passed with the two going on dates when they could, which was usually once every weekend. And Taeyong made it a point to visit the bakery every day, because he loved the way Jaehyun’s face lit up when he walked through the door.

“Doyoung told me that Johnny is spending the night at our place tonight” Taeyong grumbled around the straw of his smoothie. Not that he really had anything against when Johnny came over, after all it’s not like if they got too rowdy he would hear them...or if they got up to some bedroom shenanigans. He supposed he should thank his lack of hearing for that, but it didn’t pay off one time when he accidentally walked in on them in the kitchen where Johnny had Doyoung bent over the table. Taeyong made sure to make Doyoung clean the table after that, and he still didn’t like eating off of it.

Nevertheless, he whined purely for the fact that perhaps he wanted Jaehyun to coo at him, because Jaehyun got especially touchy when he was comforting Taeyong. Like rubbing his thumb over the back of Taeyong’s hand, or brushing his fingers through Taeyong’s bangs. Yeah, that was definitely the reason why.

“Oh is he?” Jaehyun asked with genuine curiosity, earning him a confirming head nod from the other. Johnny and Jaehyun were not only friends, but roommates. So if Johnny was going to be away for the night, then Jaehyun would be alone in his house. “Well then, do you want to come to my place?”

Taeyong swiftly withdrew the straw from his lips, looking up at Jaehyun suspiciously through his fringe from his seat at the counter. He raised a questioning eyebrow at the younger, trying to read his intentions.

“I-I don’t mean that in a creepy way, you know just to have dinner and hang out” he spluttered after being shot with Taeyong’s judging eyebrow.

If Taeyong was being honest, he wouldn’t be mad if they were to do something like that — they’re both mature adults and it’s not like Jaehyun would be his first. But, he was just a little taken aback by Jaehyun’s offer, because he didn’t take Jaehyun for the type to insinuate such actions. And he would be precisely correct given the other’s quick clarification.

And that is exactly how Taeyong wound up at Jaehyun’s house after his shift was over. The place was empty, so Johnny must have already left for the night to go see Doyoung. Probably for the best, because knowing Taeyong there was sure to have been some kind of awkward interaction. He seemed unable to avoid those.

“Well, feel free to make yourself comfortable” Jaehyun said as he put his things down, visibly nervous himself, so how was Taeyong supposed to comfortable?

Taeyong was pretty sure that they weren’t even going to do anything, so why were they both acting like some virgin boys in high school or something. There was a cute air of innocence to it, but it would be nice if Taeyong’s heart could stop pumping so hard.

“I’m going to make some dinner. You can watch TV in the living room if you want while I’m doing that” Jaehyun said before turning around to enter the kitchen.

“Can I help?” Taeyong spoke up before Jaehyun had gotten far.

To put it shortly, the way Jaehyun turned around with a surprised expression was very cute. “If you want to.”

“It’s just that you cook all the time. If not at the bakery, then when you prepare food for our dates. I can’t be so selfish all the time” Taeyong pursed his lips in a pouty way, making Jaehyun’s heart clench in his chest.

Jaehyun smiled warmly and nodded his head before turning back around, hearing the soft pad of Taeyong’s feet following him. “But I like spoiling you” he whispered under his breath despite knowing the fact that Taeyong wouldn’t hear him.

To be honest, Taeyong proved to be more helpful at cooking than Jaehyun had expected. There were some things that he wasn’t good at though, for example trying to flip what was in the skillet, or trying to peel garlic without absolutely murdering it. He would stand back and watch Taeyong’s cute attempt, basking in the way his brow furrowed in mild frustration and his bottom lip jutted out. It was at this time when he took it upon himself to move behind Taeyong, taking his hands in his and guiding him what to do. It was honestly unnecessary when Jaehyun could just as easily show him while standing beside him, but Taeyong wasn’t about to complain. Not when Jaehyun’s warm hands were holding onto his, and Jaehyun’s firm body pressed up against his back, pinning him against the counter — and god it had been way too long since he last had sex.

They went about their night, chatting over dinner, and getting so swept up in the conversations that they didn’t even need another source to entertain them like a movie or game. It was around 11PM when Jaehyun noticed the way Taeyong’s eyes were drooping, and how he would try to hide his yawns behind his hand.

“I think it’s time to hit the hay, yeah?” he offered softly, scooting his chair back and standing up slowly, waiting for Taeyong to follow his lead.

Taeyong complied so easily, his mind and body pliant with fatigue. He followed Jaehyun to his bedroom without really thinking things over, with Jaehyun answering questions that had not been asked before Taeyong even had the time — or energy — to think about them.

“You can change into these” Jaehyun plopped one of his shirts and a pair of comfy looking sweats onto the bed. “And you can sleep in here. I’ll stay the night in Johnny’s room, I’m sure he won’t care...too much” Jaehyun cracked a small, shit eating grin, one that infected Taeyong even in his half asleep state.

All Taeyong could do was hum in acknowledgement and nod his head, which was more like a roll on his jelly-like neck. And just like that, Jaehyun wished him goodnight and left the room. Taeyong knew coming into this that they more than likely wouldn’t do anything, but that didn’t mean that he still wasn’t a little let down when that turned out to be true. Choking down his short lived sulking, he pulled off his own clothes and changed into the ones Jaehyun had laid out for him. They were of course a little big, but the bagginess made them all the more comfortable, and for some reason he liked the way the clothes made him feel small in comparison to Jaehyun.

He climbed onto the bed, immediately amazed with how much comfier Jaehyun’s bed was than his own. Or maybe it was just because of how tired he was, who knew. After the initial shock of how cozy Jaehyun’s bed was subsided, he rolled onto his side, pulling the covers up to his neck. He unintentionally got a whiff of Jaehyun’s smell from the act, and couldn’t help the way he buried his face deeper into the pillow. He still couldn’t believe he was here, in Jaehyun’s bed and engulfed by the smell of his sheets. It was enough to make the hairs at the base of his neck stand up, and eventually a dull shiver traveled down to the pit of his stomach.

He knew what that feeling led to, and he’d be damned if he allowed himself to do such a thing in Jaehyun’s bed. So, he promptly pushed those thoughts aside and rolled around so that he was on his back again, restricting himself from getting carried away. It wasn’t long after that when he drifted off to sleep.

*

He opened his eyes slowly, and was once again met with the image of the empty street and pouring rain. He internally groaned, hoping that if he wished hard enough that he could go back to the reality where he was sleeping soundly in Jaehyun’s warm bed.

“That’s cute” the all too familiar voice sneered, “You think that you can just ignore and forget about me?”

Taeyong gritted his teeth in annoyance, fed up with this recurring nightmare. “Don’t speak so highly of yourself. We both know that you can’t hurt me anymore” he spat, turning on his heel in attempt to walk away from the voice even though it surrounded him.

“How do you know that?” the voice rumbled deep and menacingly, like he knew something that Taeyong didn’t.

It was at that moment when Taeyong heard an engine rev behind him. When he turned around it was too late, blinding headlights racing towards him — too fast for him to move out of the way. His body got sucked under the car, spitting him back out behind it as it drove off in the distance, never stopping or coming back.

Blood trickled down his face, his eyelids fluttering open and closed as he tried to remain conscious. He couldn’t feel his body, let alone move it — which he supposed he could count himself lucky for, because he didn’t even want to know how many parts were broken. He could move his mouth though, even though it hurt like hell. “H-h-help!” he rasped, his voice coming out far softer than he would have liked. But wait...he actually didn’t hear his voice at all. “P-please!” he tried again, panic setting in when he still couldn’t hear it. “Somebody please help me!” he cried.

“Taeyong!” a voice shouted, though he couldn’t hear it. But, he could feel the warm hands shaking him to his senses.

Taeyong didn’t have to open his eyes to know that it was Jaehyun, the touch of his gentle hands was more than enough. He immediately wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s neck, pulling him closer to cry into his neck — adding to the tears that he already felt staining his face when he was woken up. Jaehyun didn’t complain, he simply let Taeyong calm down by holding onto him, laying onto his side for a more comfortable angle for the both of them. He let one hand rest along Taeyong’s back, rubbing soothing circles between his shoulder blades, while his other hand played with his hair. Taeyong could tell that Jaehyun was saying something, with the way that he felt his hot breath gliding across his ear, but he couldn’t find the energy to leave Jaehyun’s shoulder and he didn’t want Jaehyun to see his face when he was sure he looked an absolute mess. He only hoped that Jaehyun was whispering soft words of comfort to him, whether he would hear them or not.

“I suppose I have some explaining to do” Taeyong finally managed to say after mostly composing himself, unable to restrain his last few sniffles though. He moved back enough to look at Jaehyun’s face, not wanting to, but more so needing to if they were going to talk.

“Not unless you want to” Jaehyun said tenderly, his small circles he was rubbing into Taeyong’s back never stopping. Taeyong’s heart ached at that.

He buried his face back into Jaehyun’s chest, inhaling deeply of the scent that for some reason calmed him so much. He didn’t need — want — to see Jaehyun’s face for what he was about to say.

“I’ve been having variations of the same dream for four years. Well, not really a dream you see...more like a memory” he hesitated before continuing, struggling to come to terms with admitting the truth that only Doyoung knew. “When I was in my last year of high school, I fell in love with a boy in my grade, and he loved me too — at least that’s what he told me. Our parents didn’t know, they just thought that we were close friends. One night, he stayed over, and I lost my virginity to him. He didn’t pressure me, it was completely consensual and I don’t regret it. But, my father found us in the morning, naked and huddled together. He was shocked, disappointed, but most of all outraged. He chased my boyfriend away, fearing for his life while my dad threatened him. My father followed him downstairs and out the door — worried that he would hurt my boyfriend, I ran after the both of them. My dad was shoving and pushing him out into the yard, so I stuck myself between them to keep my dad from hurting him. That gave my boyfriend enough space and time to get away from father, running down the street. I followed after him, knowing that I couldn’t stay at my house for a while and needing the time apart for my dad to calm down. While I was running after my boyfriend, the last thing I ever heard was a car engine revving behind me. My dad hit me with his car, and the trauma that it caused to my head is the reason why I’m now deaf. My wounds healed, but my hearing never came back.”

Taeyong paused for some time after the long confession, taking in shallow and shaky breaths before continuing. “But that’s not even the worst...I could have accepted the fact that my father hated me, he got what he deserved and was thrown in jail. But...” Taeyong started trembling in Jaehyun’s arms, leading the younger to hold him tighter. “...After hearing the news that I had lost my hearing, my boyfriend told me that he didn’t want to be together anymore. That he did love me and that he was so sorry, but that he was too young and immature to take care of a disabled boyfriend. And you know what’s the saddest thing? I still don’t really resent him for it” Taeyong was full on sobbing again.

Jaehyun let Taeyong cling onto him while he let out his sorrows, fisting at his shirt and crumbling the material out of distress. He didn’t know what to say, he knew Taeyong well enough by now that he didn’t like to be pitied, he was too proud for that. So he said nothing, letting his body do the talking for him. He rested his chin over Taeyong’s head, pulling Taeyong closer and tucking his face into his chest. He placed delicate kisses to the top of Taeyong’s head while he continued to play with his hair. Taeyong wasn’t sure if he liked it or not, his brain telling him that he was falling too hard and fast, but his heart swelling and thudding hard against his chest.

After Jaehyun felt the more violent of Taeyong’s tremors disperse and his wails reduced to sniveling, he managed to coax Taeyong into looking at him so that he could talk. “I’m so proud that you are able to tell me this. You’re so strong Taeyong, and don’t you dare ever think otherwise. Please know that if you ever feel down or overcome by your memories, I’m here to help you. I won’t let you suffer alone.”

Taeyong couldn’t help the way a few silent tears spilled out of his eyes at those words, running down the side of his face and across his nose, only to seep into the sheets. Jaehyun thumbed away at what he could of the tear stains, his hand lingering atop Taeyong’s cheek when he was done. It had come completely spontaneously — Taeyong pressing his lips to Jaehyun’s. Not exactly how he had imagined their first kiss, but also not mad about the circumstances — especially when Jaehyun chased his lips for more when Taeyong retreated. They were just chaste, butterfly kisses, but filled with emotion despite their short pecks.

“Do you want me to stay here with you?” Jaehyun mumbled sleepily, and Taeyong could see the fatigue clinging to his eyelids.

“Please” Taeyong uttered back, feeling sorry for having woken Jaehyun up with his screaming, but really needing him close right now.

“Of course” Jaehyun complied, placing one last kiss to Taeyong’s forehead before moving to get up. He didn’t get far though, because Taeyong was quick to tighten his hold around him.

“Where are you going?” Taeyong whined, unable to hide the panic in his voice.

“To turn the lights off” Jaehyun assured the other.

“You can’t” Taeyong said shortly, elaborating after Jaehyun gave him a short head tilt. “I have to sleep with a light on. It scares me to wake up in pitch darkness. With my hearing gone, I have to rely on my sight the most. So if that’s taken away from me, then it’s terrifying.”

Jaehyun nodded his head in understanding, feeling bad for not thinking about that. He made a note that he still had a lot to learn about being deaf, that he needed to learn more about how it affected Taeyong so that Taeyong wouldn’t have to explain these things to him all the time.

With that, Jaehyun settled back down against Taeyong, and Taeyong was held all night by someone for the first time since his ex boyfriend four years ago.

*

They didn’t really talk about Taeyong’s past after that. Taeyong felt no need to bring it up, and Jaehyun definitely wasn’t going to pry — if Taeyong wanted to tell him then that would be fine, but if not, then that’s fine too. A few more months passed, and they were both on summer break. It was nice, not having to go to class or worry about homework — spending the extra time completely and utterly absorbed in one another.

Tonight was no different, Taeyong was at Jaehyun’s house again and Johnny at his and Doyoung’s. Honestly they should just switch roommates at this point. They were huddled together on the couch, watching some form of reality TV. To be honest, Taeyong wasn’t entirely sure what they were watching anymore, because at some point he had managed to be sitting between Jaehyun’s legs while the other peppered soft kisses to the back of his neck. He didn’t know how his heart could be so calm and so sporadic at the same time, but Jaehyun had a way of doing that to him.

Jaehyun was rubbing small circles with his thumbs into the protruding area of Taeyong’s hips. Taeyong’s breath caught in his throat when Jaehyun’s fingers found their way under the hem of his shirt, grazing his bare skin. Intentional or not, the sensation made a shiver run down Taeyong’s spine. Jaehyun let his hands wander under Taeyong’s shirt, but he didn’t stray far. He merely ran the soft pads of his fingers across Taeyong’s stomach, alternating them with slightly more aggressive drags of his nails. Taeyong hated the way he was quickly becoming overwhelmed from such subtle intimacy, blaming it on the fact that he hadn’t been touched like this in four years, and not the fact that Jaehyun just had this kind of effect on him.

He didn’t know where this was going, and he wasn’t sure if he wanted to know. But, then Jaehyun answered that question for him. He snaked his body around, making Taeyong lay down so that he could lean over top of him. He straddled Taeyong, locking his lips on the underside of his jaw. Another shudder raked through Taeyong’s body when Jaehyun scraped his teeth across his adam’s apple.

He supposed that he really shouldn’t be surprised about this, they had been dating for almost half a year now after all. Having sex should be normal for a couple like them, but the fact that they hadn’t done it even once yet after being together for this long was honestly abnormal. Despite knowing that though, Taeyong couldn’t help the peculiar reluctance that he felt. He was at war with himself. His body was wanting this, but his brain was telling him to stop.

Unbeknownst to Taeyong, but Jaehyun could see the way he was getting lost in his own head. “What’s on your mind, baby?” Jaehyun lifted his head from where he was attached to Taeyong’s neck, so that he could understand him.

Taeyong widened his eyes at him for a split second, not expecting the sudden question. “It’s nothing” he fibbed, lacing his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair and guiding him back down to his neck. He didn’t know what was wrong with him, but maybe if he ignored it, it would be okay.

Jaehyun wasn’t buying it though, having been together long enough at this point to pretty well know what Taeyong’s expressions meant — since many times Taeyong would often keep things to himself rather than telling Jaehyun, that anxiousness to speak still looming over him from time to time even though he would do his best to not let it bother him. He made his way back up to Taeyong’s face, leaving a trail of kisses in his wake. “It’s definitely something” he argued now that he was at eye level with Taeyong again. “I”m not trying to pressure you into anything, if you don’t want to do this then just tell me” he reasoned, and Taeyong’s heart swelled from how selfless Jaehyun always was with him.

“I’m just nervous since it’s been so long since I was last with someone” Taeyong grumbled, leaning to sit up after Jaehyun did.

“Okay...but why do I get the feeling that that’s not all?” Jaehyun read Taeyong like an open book. Sometimes he liked it, but this was not one of those moments.

“Why can’t you just let it go? It’s normal to be nervous, it’s not a big deal” Taeyong whined, getting fed up with this bickering.

“I’m not going to do anything until I can tell that you’re absolutely certain” Jaehyun was firm, unwavering in his beliefs.

A long pause of silence passed between them, both a bit heated and unsure of what to say or do next. Part of Taeyong wanted to apologize, feeling strangely guilty though he hadn’t done anything — neither of them had.

“You know what, this isn’t even about sex anymore. Why are you lying to me, Taeyong? I don’t want you to feel like you have to hide things from me” Jaehyun’s eyes morphed into a look of hurt, and Taeyong couldn’t stand the way he looked so let down.

Taeyong opened his mouth to retaliate, but the words got trapped in his throat. He couldn’t find the courage to look Jaehyun in the eye and continue to lie to him. He shut his mouth, hanging his head low as he stood up from the couch. He swiftly passed Jaehyun, making a beeline for the door. Before he knew it though, Jaehyun wrapped his fingers around his wrist, making him come to a halt. He turned around to tell him to let go.

“Where are you going?” Jaehyun asked before Taeyong had time to say anything.

“Home” Taeyong answered shortly. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes, but he was unsure as to what they were from. The anger or the guilt. Then, more tears were piling on top of the others, humiliation setting in from being close to crying. He hated when Jaehyun saw him in such a weak state.

“Taeyong we need to talk about this. Walking away isn’t going to hel—”

“There’s nothing to discuss!” Taeyong interrupted him, his words and tone sharp.

“You’re being immature! You need to listen to me, Taeyong” Jaehyun insisted, his voice becoming a bit desperate.

The choice of wording hadn’t exactly been well thought out, and that’s precisely what tipped Taeyong over the edge. He jerked his wrist out of Jaehyun’s hand, giving the younger a menacing scowl before turning around and walking out the door.

*

“Care to tell me why you haven’t left your room in days?” Doyoung asked casually, leaning up against the frame of Taeyong’s bedroom door.

Taeyong was currently curled up in his bed, his blankets a complete mess as they wrapped around his limbs in a confusing heap. The amount of movies and shows that he had managed to watch in those days that Doyoung spoke of was both embarrassing and impressive, but the way he looked right now — that was only embarrassing. Doyoung was no fool, he had a sneaking suspicion why Taeyong hadn’t left the house in so long, but he’d rather hear the words from Taeyong himself. He wanted to hear Taeyong admit it.

When Taeyong didn’t answer him, he took matters into his own hands and persisted. “It’s about Jaehyun isn’t it?” he said as he crossed his arms in front of his chest. Taeyong nodded his head slowly, hesitant in replying to Doyoung because he still didn’t really want to talk about this right now. “Did he say something mean? Did...he hurt you?” Taeyong could tell the way Doyoung got slightly more defensive with the last question.

“No” Taeyong was quick to lay those accusations to rest. He honestly didn’t think that Jaehyun would ever purposefully try to hurt him.

Taeyong took in a deep breath and sighed heartily before speaking up. “This is more of a me thing rather than Jaehyun” he admitted.

Being away from Jaehyun and having some time to cool down, he had come to realise — at least he hoped — why he had come to feel so conflicted with Jaehyun. His feelings had grown to a point where it hurt Taeyong immensely to imagine a life without Jaehyun, and it’s that dependence that had him so afraid. He feared falling any more for Jaehyun than he already had, because what if one day Jaehyun left him like his ex? He was still recovering from that, and he didn’t think he could handle if someone left him again. So, here he was, contemplating if he should be the one to leave instead.

He had never foreseen this, this gut wrenching fear to fall in love. It was almost funny, being afraid to let something so beautiful happen to him. But it wasn’t funny, it was so cruel. He just wanted to live his life like a normal person, but that chance had been taken away from him four years ago. Not when he lost his hearing, but when he lost his heart.

And that’s where he was at now, wallowing in self pity in the comfort of his room. He knew that it would hurt for a while, but it couldn’t hurt as much as when Jaehyun would leave him. It was simple really, his feelings couldn’t get hurt if he didn’t offer up those feelings.

Doyoung nodded his head, a silent cue that he understood. “If it’s like that, then I think that you need to talk to Jaehyun. It’s not right to leave him out in the cold like this. You never know, he might be able to help you.”

Doyoung had a point, but that point became completely invalid when Taeyong was trying to leave Jaehyun. He didn’t want help, he just wanted to be happy. Jaehyun had messaged a few times over the span of the days, taking precautions not to message him too much because he knew that Taeyong liked his space. Taeyong didn’t answer a single one of them, but he did have the audacity to leave Jaehyun on read. Was that pettiness or cowardice?

“Well, I’m going out with Johnny for the night. But, I made you dinner, so be sure to eat it” Doyoung tried to cover up his slight fret with casualness. Taeyong could see through it, but he wouldn’t tell him that.

He had just finished eating the dinner that Doyoung had left him and was bundled up in the living room watching TV when he felt his phone go off. He glanced at the screen casually, letting his eyes flit over the text. It was Jaehyun of course, asking Taeyong to please FaceTime him because they needed to talk. Taeyong knew they needed to talk, but that would only build their relationship instead of ending it. And he was worried that if he saw Jaehyun’s face, it would make it harder for him to leave.

He ignored the message, going back to watching what was on TV — which was apparently something about home redecorating. He had just settled back in and stopped his mind from wandering to Jaehyun when he felt his phone vibrate again. It was from Jaehyun again, this time asking him if he was home. Taeyong was unfazed at first, but then the more he dwelled on the words, the more his eyes widened.

He got up from the couch and walked to the front door to lock it. If Jaehyun had the balls to come to his house uninvited, then he wouldn’t be getting inside if Taeyong had anything to do about it. He silently cursed the twinge of pain that came with locking the door — feeling as if he was locking Jaehyun out of his heart.

He plopped back down onto the couch after the deed was done, promptly turning his phone off as well. If Jaehyun was going to continue to try to reach out to him, then Taeyong didn’t want to know. He laid down, resting his head on one of the throw pillows while he tried to use TV as a distraction. But, he instead ended up drifting off, so emotionally drained from this whole thing.

He was mostly asleep when Doyoung came home, feeling the room rumble faintly from the door shutting. And damn, he had to give it to himself for being able to tell those sort of things even when he was half asleep, perks of his other senses being heightened he supposed. He had a feeling that he was going to tell him to go lay down in his room instead because he was taking up too much room on the couch, even though what he really meant was that he was going to hurt his neck sleeping in that position — showing that odd way of how he cared, but would never admit it. But, Doyoung didn’t shake him awake. Instead he felt something being laid over top of him. It was big and warm, like a blanket, and Taeyong instantly welcomed it by pulling it up closer to his face with tiny fists.

He felt himself being instantly lulled back into a state of comfort and calm, inhaling and exhaling deeply. In the back of his mind, he faintly wondered when Doyoung had changed the washing detergent that they used — it was subtle, but he liked it because it smelled familiar; warm like sugar and bread. He didn’t feel anything else for some time, so he suspected that Doyoung had left him there and turned in for the night. But, then he felt a gentle hand running through his bangs, pushing the hair out of his face. Taeyong stirred at that, wiggling his head from the unexpected sensation. But, he hadn’t been bothered enough to completely wake up and open his eyes. Then, he felt another hand being placed along the back of one of his, just holding it there tenderly. Now, he was confused.

Sure, Doyoung had a soft spot for Taeyong that he liked to try to cover up a lot of the time, but this was out of character for the younger. Maybe since he knew Taeyong was going through a hard time, he felt the need to comfort him, but would only do that when Taeyong was sleeping since he didn’t want to appear soft. Nevertheless, despite if Doyoung didn’t want Taeyong to know or not, his interest was piqued.

His eyelids twitched, moving groggily before opening them slowly. There in front of him, he saw a mop of light brown hair, not Doyoung’s usual black. Of course, the hair belonged to none other than Jaehyun. He had his arms folded across the cushions of the couch while he sat on the floor, his head resting on top of those arms and one of his hands holding Taeyong’s.

Taeyong shifted, lifting himself up only to have a jacket slide down his body and watching as Jaehyun sat up as well. “What are you doing?” he asked as he tried to sound threatening, but it wasn’t working out the way he intended. No help from just waking up and rubbing at his eyes sleepily.

“Sleeping” Jaehyun quipped playfully, that drowsy grin plastered across his face that Taeyong was so weak to.

“This isn’t funny” Taeyong bit back the swell in his chest from the sight of Jaehyun’s smile, “How did you get into my house?”

“Doyoung told me to meet him and he gave me a key” he answered as he jingled said key from his fingers.

That piece of shit. He should have suspected this. Was Doyoung even meeting Johnny tonight or was this just his plan to make him and Jaehyun see each other? Either way, Jaehyun was here and he shouldn’t be.

“You need to leave” Taeyong said shortly, springing to his feet and heading towards the door.

“Not until I get to talk to you” Jaehyun countered as he followed Taeyong.

“Well, you’ve talked to me. Now here’s the door” Taeyong cocked his head in annoyance and opened the door for Jaehyun.

“You haven’t even told me what’s going on. I’m not a fool, Taeyong, I can tell that whatever’s bothering you is because of me. But how am I supposed to help you when you won’t let me?” Jaehyun was persistent, much to Taeyong displeasure because his patience was running thin.

He slammed the door closed, sprinting off to his room in an attempt to keep his distance from Jaehyun. Because, he was right, having Jaehyun in front of him really did make it hard to keep up his front and be so mean to him. He didn’t have to look behind him to know that Jaehyun was hot on his tail, but that didn’t stop him from trying. When he rounded the corner to his room, he swiftly grabbed his door and pushed it closed behind him. But, Jaehyun was faster, squeezing his way between the door frame and the door.

“Leave me alone!” Taeyong hissed, shoving Jaehyun back by his chest, trying to make him get out.

“If hitting me will make you happy, then fine. Do whatever you want” Jaehyun held out both of his arms to the side, accepting whatever Taeyong would give him.

But, Taeyong didn’t want to hurt him, he was trying to make this as painless as possible. He just knew that Jaehyun wouldn’t let him go if he told him the reason why he was trying to cut things off. So, his only option was to make things up.

“I don’t care about you anymore!” Taeyong forced out the painful words, burning his throat and tongue from the depths of hell that he pulled them from.

“You’re lying!” Jaehyun yelled. “You’re lying to me and you’re lying to yourself!” he scolded, grabbing both sides of Taeyong’s cheeks to make him look at him.

Taeyong reached his tipping point, hot tears rolling down his cheeks and onto Jaehyun’s hands. And as if it couldn’t have gotten any worse, the way Jaehyun immediately pulled Taeyong into a tight embrace made his heart hurt more than it ever had. How could Jaehyun still treat him so lovingly even when Taeyong had been nothing but cruel to him lately?

He cried into Jaehyun’s neck, unable to contain the wails as strong quakes raked through him. He wasn’t sure how long they were in that position, but he could have guessed it was for a long time just given the way his tears had thoroughly soaked the shirt on Jaehyun’s shoulder. When Jaehyun felt that Taeyong had calmed down enough, he guided his head back to make him look at him again.

“I love you.”

Those three words were stronger than Taeyong was, making his legs give out and crashing to the ground with Jaehyun following suit. He lowered his head to Jaehyun’s chest, the tears kicking back up. He fisted clumsily at his shirt, needing something to ground him even though he was kneeling on the floor, because his whole world was spinning.

His breathing was labored, his mouth opening and closing with the words that he kept finding and losing. “I love you too.”

Taeyong wished that Jaehyun would just let him wallow in his own self pity, but after dropping that bomb on him, Jaehyun definitely wasn’t going to allow him that courtesy. He lifted Taeyong’s head, much to his dismay because he was sure he looked an absolute mess.

“Then why are you trying to push me away?” Jaehyun searched Taeyong’s expression for an answer, thoroughly lost. Taeyong hated this, hated that look of pain on Jaehyun’s face. Hurt didn’t look good on him. He entangled one of his hands with the hand on his cheek, needing the support whether Jaehyun was offering it or not.

“I’m afraid to be in love...so afraid...because what if you leave me too?” Taeyong gazed up at Jaehyun with glassy eyes. “I can’t go through that kind of pain again, Jaehyun” he cried, more scalding tears running over Jaehyun’s hands.

“That’s what this is about?” Jaehyun almost scoffed in disbelief. “Taeyong, I love you so much, and I won’t ever let myself run away from that fact” he said before pressing the most delicate kiss to Taeyong’s lips, almost as if it hadn’t even happened.

Taeyong couldn’t tell if Jaehyun was throwing a direct jab at his ex boyfriend, but that didn’t really matter because his fears were being lifted. Jaehyun had a way of making him feel so safe, a feeling that Taeyong couldn’t believe he almost tried to leave the best person in the world for him. All Taeyong could do was nod his head and make a small, strained noise in understanding.

He returned the kiss Jaehyun gave him with one of his own, unable to help the few rogue tears that still trickled down his face from the mix of relief and love. Jaehyun was quick to wipe them away, as doting as ever.

“I’m sorry” Taeyong murmured against Jaehyun’s lips, embarrassed for being a mess and having Jaehyun taking care of him.

“Hush, baby” Jaehyun dismissed all of the negative thoughts in Taeyong’s head, pressing his lips to Taeyong’s in another tender kiss.

Taeyong’s heart was jumping with joy, his fingers trembling with nervous jitters as he tried to find somewhere to place them. They found their way to Jaehyun’s waist, gripping the material of his shirt lightly when Jaehyun deepened their kiss just the tiniest bit. Their lips were languidly rolling against each other now, replacing the chaste pecks from before. Taeyong was anxious, but he took a leap of faith and swiped his tongue along Jaehyun’s bottom lip.

Jaehyun got the message, parting his lips to allow Taeyong to do with him as he pleased. Taeyong licked tentatively past Jaehyun’s lips, pulling back out of shock when he touched Jaehyun’s tongue. Jaehyun took matters into his own hands, breaking the seam of Taeyong’s lips and doing the same to him, except not allowing his own tongue to leave Taeyong’s mouth. Taeyong hated to think about it, but he could tell that Jaehyun was more experienced with this than he was. He was unable to ignore that shred of jealousy of whoever got to kiss Jaehyun before him, but that didn’t matter now because Jaehyun was his, and he was Jaehyun’s.

Taeyong’s hands wandered under Jaehyun’s shirt, tracing timidly up his torso. He revelled in the small shudder that it pulled out of the other, nipping gently at Jaehyun’s bottom lip while on his ego high. That was short lived though, because soon Jaehyun was retreating from Taeyong’s lips to look him dead in the eye.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked breathlessly, searching Taeyong’s expression for an answer rather than what he said, because he already knew that Taeyong wasn’t good at concealing the emotions on his face.

“I’m sure” Taeyong answered a bit urgently, trying to pull Jaehyun’s shirt up and over his head.

He secretly loved the way it looked like that ripped the floor out from under Jaehyun’s feet, making Jaehyun look shocked and speechless at him. “Okay” he said eagerly before pressing his lips back to Taeyong’s.

Jaehyun lifted Taeyong and carried him to his bed, which was luckily only a few feet away. He pulled Taeyong’s shirt off before Taeyong fell backwards, pulling Jaehyun down with him from his arms that were wrapped around his neck. He shimmied Jaehyun’s shirt up his body as well, clearly impatient in wanting to feel his skin against his. He let out a hum of content when Jaehyun pressed his freshly naked torso against his, running his hands up and down the muscles on his back.

Jaehyun made his way down Taeyong’s chest, leaving a trail of kisses behind him until he got to the waistband of Taeyong’s pants. He wasted no time in ridding Taeyong of his pants, but when he settled between Taeyong’s legs he paused. He looked at where Taeyong was already pitching a tent, then back up to his face. He maintained eye contact with Taeyong as he lowered his face to his clothed cock, pressing a delicate kiss to it. Taeyong let out a whine of embarrassment, reaching one of his hands down to move Jaehyun’s head away. Jaehyun complied, kissing at the inside of Taeyong’s thigh while he slowly pulled his underwear off.

He took a moment to take in the way Taeyong looked before he went any further. He had thought about this before, he had imagined how Taeyong would look like this, but the real thing was a thousand times better than what he pictured. Taeyong was and still is the most beautiful person he had ever laid eyes on, and he couldn’t believe that he had his beautiful heart now as well. His battered and bruised heart, but still beautiful.

When he got his fill, he curled his warm fingers around Taeyong’s shaft, giving a few slow strokes before wrapping his lips around the head. Taeyong let out a strangled moan, a noise that Jaehyun had never heard him make before, but he never wanted to stop hearing it. Eager to hear that sound again, he lowered his head, taking in more of the elder. His hands were on either side of Taeyong’s hips, holding him in place so that he could please Taeyong how he wanted. He looked up, curious as to what kind of face Taeyong was making, only to find Taeyong looking down at him in fondness, his cheeks flushed and his eyes dazed. Taeyong quickly rolled his head back, too shy to let Jaehyun see his blissed out face.

Nevertheless, Jaehyun continued his task, bobbing up and down Taeyong’s length slowly while rolling his tongue around his sensitive tip from time to time. The noises that Taeyong was making and the way he had started shaking underneath of him was turning Jaehyun on more and more, making his patience run thin. He slid his mouth off of Taeyong’s cock with an audible pop that he was sure Taeyong would have complained about out of embarrassment if he could have heard it. He lifted Taeyong by his hips, making him bend back a bit. Taeyong was about to ask him what he was doing, but then he felt a hot tongue lapping at his hole.

“D-don’t!” Taeyong yelped, trying to move Jaehyun’s head, but his muscles were weak and pliant from the pleasure so his efforts didn’t amount to much.

Jaehyun was relentless, alternating from languid licks and staccato thrusts that had Taeyong’s mind melting. He kept at that for a while until he could tell that Taeyong had loosened up some, able to thrust more of his tongue inside than before. He laid Taeyong back down, placing a few more kisses to the inside of his thighs before sitting upright.

“Do you have any lube?” he asked breathlessly.

It took a moment for Taeyong to realize that he was being spoken to. Only when Jaehyun leaned down to kiss his face did Taeyong notice his lips moving. He pointed him in the direction of a dresser on the other side of the room, to which Jaehyun pursued. After he found what he was looking for, he tossed the bottle on the bed before ridding himself the last of his clothes. Taeyong couldn’t help the way he gawked at Jaehyun, finally being able to see the other naked after being together for so long. He didn’t even really mind the way his body took matters into their own hands — spreading his legs when Jaehyun climbed back onto the bed, even more eager after seeing Jaehyun’s naked body.

Jaehyun squeezed some of the lube onto his fingers, circling one around Taeyong’s entrance before pressing it in slowly. An airy moan escaped Taeyong’s lips, and Jaehyun let him adjust to the intrusion before pushing any deeper. When Taeyong darted his tongue over his lips, Jaehyun took that as his signal that he could continue, pushing until his knuckles were flush against Taeyong.

“Do you ever stretch yourself out?” Jaehyun asked out of curiosity, unable to deny the fact that Taeyong was immensely tight.

“Sometimes” Taeyong admitted.

Jaehyun hadn’t even had enough time to process what kind of reply Taeyong might give before his question was answered. That did a number on him, the mental image of Taeyong laying on this very bed and fingering himself. He wondered what Taeyong would think about when doing that and it made his ears turn red. He made a note that he’d like to see that one day, but right now he was going to be the cause of Taeyong’s pleasure.

He started wiggling his finger inside of him, moving it in and out with shallow thrusts. Taeyong extended his arms towards Jaehyun, so he leaned down to embrace him like he wanted. Quiet pants slid past his ear, the hot breath sending shivers down Jaehyun’s body. He curled his finger up, scraping Taeyong’s most sensitive spot and making those pants that Taeyong was letting out turn into a surprised moan. Jaehyun continued stroking that spot, loving the cute reactions that it was pulling out of the elder. Taeyong couldn’t contain the pleasure that he was feeling, nipping at the shell of Jaehyun’s ear as a reward or punishment for making him lose control of himself like this.

Then Jaehyun eased in a second finger, surprisingly easier than the first. Maybe because this time he was quick to find that spot made Tayeong lose his mind. He looked down between Taeyong’s legs, admiring the pool of precum that was leaking onto his stomach. He reached his other hand down, wrapping it around Taeyong’s cock and stroking it in rhythm with the thrusts of his fingers. Taeyong positively writhed, looking more and more breathtaking by the second. The amount of precum that Taeyong had built up made it easy for Jaehyun’s hand to glide up and down his length, so it didn’t come as a surprise to Jaehyun when Taeyong announced to him that he was close.

“Jaehyun!...” Taeyong panted, lacing his fingers through Jaehyun’s hair. Jaehyun hummed in a questioning tone even though Taeyong wouldn’t hear him, too caught up in the moment to remember. “Coming...” Taeyong moaned, arching his back, greedy for more pleasure.

“Come” Jaehyun said with smoldering eyes and his lips brushing against Taeyong’s.

Jaehyun felt Taeyong tighten around him more than ever before, and almost immediately after, hot come was shooting into his hand. A broken moan escaped his lips, one that Jaehyun swallowed halfway with his own mouth. He stayed still while Taeyong came down from his high slowly, trembling underneath of him. When he felt Taeyong loosen enough around him, he eased his fingers out. He kissed Taeyong’s lips, face, neck and chest until he thought that he had regained enough sense to talk to him.

“Do you want to continue?” he asked before nuzzling his face into Taeyong’s neck to kiss the underside of his jaw.

Taeyong didn’t verbally answer, instead he wrapped his legs around Jaehyun’s hips and ground his ass down onto his crotch. Jaehyun let out a guttural groan, having to refrain the urge to slam into Taeyong then and there. He found the lube that had been cast aside and rubbed it along himself and the excess against Taeyong’s rim, making the other let out a faint moan from touching the sensitive area after having been played with.

He lined himself up with Taeyong, noticing the way the elder gulped when he pressed the head of his cock to his entrance. Jaehyun gave him a reassuring kiss on the lips before guiding himself inside. Taeyong instantly tensed around him, but he oddly adjusted faster this time than to his fingers. Maybe the pain was being shrouded with the previous pleasure that was still pumping through Taeyong’s body.

It didn’t take long for Jaehyun to be fully sheathed, basking in the warmth and tightness that Taeyong was embracing him with. He rocked his hips slowly, feeling an intense wave of ecstasy coarse through him at how Taeyong’s walls refused to let up on their grip. He wanted so badly to go faster, but he was more focused on making Taeyong feel good, needing to spoil the other. So, he kept up the methodical rhythm, loving the way Taeyong’s moans were growing louder even though he wasn’t doing anything different. That hot coil of bliss brewing in the pit of his stomach even from the shallowest of thrusts. Jaehyun was so deep inside of him, and he had no intention in changing that, keeping a near constant pressure on his bundle of nerves.

Jaehyun could tell Taeyong was losing his sense of reality again when the elder started fumbling at the material of the sheets and pillow case. So, he took hold of both of Taeyong’s hands, pressing them into the mattress on either side of his head. Taeyong clung onto Jaehyun’s hands as he looked up at him with teary eyes. His pupils were dilated, taking in as much of Jaehyun as he could. Taeyong wasn’t sure if it was from not having sex in four years, if it’s from his heightened sense of touch, or if it’s because it’s Jaehyun, but he’s almost certain that he didn’t feel this good when he lost his virginity. Jaehyun suddenly ground his hips harder into Taeyong before, earning him a startled cry from the elder as he tightened even more from the sensation.

“I love you” Jaehyun declared mere inches from Taeyong’s face.

Taeyong shook as those very words ripped another orgasm out of him, his tight walls constricting to make Jaehyun follow close behind him. Jaehyun’s hips stuttered, rutting into Taeyong with a strained moan rumbling in his throat. Taeyong pushed his legs into Jaehyun’s hips, not allowing him to pull out until he wanted him to. Not that Jaehyun had any complaints, because he could happily stay in this position forever. Only when Taeyong’s insides stopped trembling did he loosen his hold around Jaehyun’s waist.

Jaehyun pulled out while peppering soft kisses all over Taeyong, revelling in the giddy but tired laugh that it pulled from the elder. He rolled over to lay beside Taeyong, partaking in the post sex intimacy by cuddling. They remained like that for a long time, long enough for Jaehyun to debate not getting up to clean themselves up because he was so cozy with Taeyong clinging to him and pressing kisses to his neck. Taeyong moved up to place one on his lips, leaning back to grin at Jaehyun fondly. God he was cute.

“I’m a little sad” Jaehyun tutted, a small pout ever prominent on his bottom lip.

“Why’s that?” Taeyong asked after pecking delicately at the soft lump.

“Because you’ll never get to hear me say ‘I love you’.”

Taeyong was momentarily stunned, but it wasn’t long before that fond smile was back on his face.

“I don’t need to hear it, because I can see it” he ran his thumb across Jaehyun’s cheek under his eye, looking into his soul. “And I can feel it” he placed his other hand atop Jaehyun’s heart.

He really didn’t know what response he had been expecting, but that wasn’t it. Such loaded words were more than enough to bring tears to Jaehyun’s eyes, making them burn as he tried to blink them away.

“I’m never going to leave you” he reassured Taeyong’s fears from before, cupping his cheek and guiding him over to kiss his forehead.

“And I’m never going to leave you.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm so happy to be a part of this fic fest! It was a long ride, but I'm glad to finally get this work out and into the public!  
> I hope you enjoyed!  
> \- Lilly
> 
> [twitter](https://twitter.com/SoftServeTY)   
>  [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/SoftServeTY)


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